A new Japanese translation of "Rain" by Raymond Carver

Rain

                             Raymond Carver                  

Woke up this morning with

a terrific urge to lie in bed all day

and read. Fought against it for a minute.  

Then looked out the window at the rain.

And gave over. Put myself entirely

in the keep of this rainy morning.

Would I live my life over again?

Make the same unforgiveable mistakes?

Yes, given half a chance. Yes.

「雨」

              ＜石倉直子訳 (Translated by Naoko Ishikura)＞

一日中ベッドに横たわって読み物に耽りたい、

という凄まじい衝動とともに、今朝目が覚めた

少しの間、それに抵抗した

それから窓の外の雨に目をやった

そして腹をくくって

この雨降る朝の掌(たなごころ)に完全に身を任せることにした

私はもう一度同じ人生を送ろうとするだろうか？

幾つもの許されない同じ過ちを犯すだろうか？

そう、僅かでもチャンスがあれば、そうするだろう

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So, what do you think??? I usually translate from Japanese to English, and this is my very first attempt of translating poetry from English to Japanese. It was a lot more fun than I expected it to be!! I love it. Especially I got excited when I translated this line:
"Put myself entirely in the keep of this rainy morning"
「この雨降る朝の掌(たなごころ)に完全に身を任せた」
I felt like genius!! :) I love the word, たなごころ. It's so exquisite.

After I finished it, I searched for other available translations, and I found two, by Emiko Kuroda and by Haruki Murakami (of course, right???) Here is the site. Please compare the three translations if you're interested. Needless to day, Murakami's translation is good, but I still prefer mine! :)