最近思うこと

誰かの心に届いたり、響いたり、残ったり。そしてその誰かが少しでも笑顔になれたり、こころがあったまったり、また明日がんばろうって思えたり。そういう事がしたい。

ゼン

ゼンは姿勢が良い。彼の真っ直ぐでピンと伸びた背中を見るたびに、私は自分の背筋を正してる。「背筋が正される思い」とかよく言うけれど、実際に背筋を正してくれる人がいるって、実はとってもレアで素敵なこと。だと思う。ゼンは他にも毎日私に色々なことを教えてくれる。昨日の朝、突然「トウモコロシ！！」と言って、本当に子供ってトウモコロシって言うんだ...ってことを教えてくれたり笑。そして何より、ひとってこんなにも他の人間のこと（ばっかり）で頭がいっぱいになって、胸もいっぱいになって、ゼンの言葉を借りると「いっぱいだいすち（大好き）」になれるんだって。３年前の今日、ゼンを授かってることが判った。「私、ママになります！！」って泣きながら日記に書いた日。いいママになれてるかは分からないけど、ゼンはいい子に育ってる。彼は今日、２歳４ヶ月になった。

dance

In the warm afternoon sun, we danced. We danced in our small living room, while listening to a song by Lucinda Williams. Zen was at daycare. Mui was awake but was content on the bouncer. She was looking right at us and wondered why we looked so happy. Mike came back from his business trip a few days back. He was gone for more than 10 days. Dad was here helping me out and was a HUGE help, I mean he really was, but I'd missed Mike. I missed him so much. It is so good to have him back home with us. With me. Being held in his arms. Feeling the warmth of his body. His smell. Happiness.

Words

On a rainy Thursday, we took a taxi to Shinjuku station and went to see a film by Jim Jarmusch. It was a very slow but a beautiful film and I loved it. It made me want to write again. I immediately ordered a poetry book by William Carlos Williams, and it arrived two days later. It's a collection of his poetry translated in Japanese. A Japanese poet in the film said that poetry in translation is like taking a shower with a raincoat on, and I agree, but it's still nice. I read one or two poems a day from that book after kids go to bed. Funny how one or two poems can fulfill me... "It's just words..." said the bus driver played by Adam Driver, but without words, I realize, I don't feel alive.

News

What took me so long to announce this? well, finding the right kind of safety pins in various sizes and cutting out Zen's tiny mustache!

Anyway, Mike and I are very happy and excited to have another child (yes, it's a girl!) in...two months!

９月６日 日曜日

９月６日　日曜日

今日は朝から雨が降ったり止んだりのすっきりしない天気で、私は図書館から借りて来た村上春樹のエッセイを読んではうとうとし、起きてまたその本を開いて少し読んでみては眠りに落ちたりして、一日のほとんどをベッドの上で過ごした。

マイクはと言うと、ここのところ何かに取り憑かれたかのようにコンピュータに向かい、なんと昨夜は一度もベッドに来なかったから、一睡もしていないことになる。それでも目を爛々とさせて、今も同じ体勢で仕事をしている。これには感心を通り越して呆れてしまう。さっき台所で緑茶を淹れている彼と鉢合わせになり、何気なく横に並んでみると、明らかに私の方が背が高い。一日中寝ていた人と、一日中寝なかった人との間ではこんなにも顕著に身長に差が出るものか！と身をもって知った。

たった今、その村上春樹のエッセイを読み終えたのだけど、すごく面白かった。「村上朝日堂はいかにして鍛えられたか」という本なのだけど、この間図書館に行った時に「本日返却された本」というカートを何気なく見たら並んでいたもので、その題名を聞いた事もなければ、もう２０年近く前に出されたような本だったので、さほど期待はしていなかったが、それをいい意味で小気味に裏切ってくれた。前にも書いた事があるけれど、本当に面白い本に出合うと「一刻も早く次のページへと読み進みたいけれど、この本が終わってしまうのが惜しいから、出来るだけゆっくり噛み締めながら読みたい。それでもいかんせん早く先が読みたい」という葛藤にぶち当たる。そういう本だった。

中でも面白かったのは、村上春樹の２１歳になる長寿の飼い猫、ミューズの話だ。あまりのおかしさにククククっ！と笑いがこみ上げて来てしまう事が何度もあった。隣の部屋では口を尖らかしてマイクが仕事をしているので、気付かれないように静かに笑うのがやっとだった。前に「村上さんのところ」というサイトで読者が「村上春樹の本は胎教に悪い」と言っていたのを思い出したが、こんなにも笑える内容ならば、問題はないだろうと思って最後まで読破した。そして、面白い本を読むと決まって思う事がある。「お兄ちゃんもきっと好きだろうな...。」...ということで、早速アマゾンで同じ本を注文し、お兄ちゃん宛てに送った。窓の外からは降り止むところを知らない秋雨の音。そして隣の部屋からは依然としてパソコンのキーの音が鳴り止まない。そんな日曜の夜更けです。さ、私はお風呂に入って寝よう。





 

A collection of random thoughts on a Wednesday night

It's Wednesday night on July 22nd, 2015. I'm now 28 weeks pregnant, which means I'll have a baby in about 10 weeks. Wow. I just looked at my belly which is really starting to show lately. Despite the fact that I am unmistakably pregnant and everyone on the train wants to give up their seats for me nowadays, the idea of me becoming a mother still hasn't quite caught up with me yet. I thought I became pregnant only a month ago or so but it's been 28 weeks already; yes I have come a long way. I didn't have a morning sickness, and I kind of knew that I would have an easy pregnancy even before I got pregnant. Why? Because I'm lucky like that. I have never even had cramps during my period, and who doesn't?? I hope I'll continue to be lucky and I'll have an easy delivery as well, but who knows? Luck isn't the most dependable thing in the world. 

The rainy season ended and the summer has come to Tokyo a week ago. We had a real nice June and the beginning of July with lots of rain and the cool weather to accompany. It rained day after day, and everyone complained but I didn't mind the rain. I actually never mind the rain. I secretly wished the rainy season would never end but it decided to go away with the typhoon which visited here out of season. Hate is a strong word, and I rarely use it, but I hate summer. I hate the heat and the humidity. I hate getting tanned. Well actually I don't hate getting tanned; I hate getting freckles. 

Tonight I watched a stupid movie on Hulu while Mike was on his weekly 2hr telecon. It had to be stupid, because I like watching good movies with Mike. And it naturally had to be a movie with Ashton Kucher in it. Mike can't stand him. He just can't. 

Now we're getting ready to go out to sento. Our daily routine. Probably our favorite thing to do, next to playing with stray cats in the park. People can't help staring at my big belly in the bath but I'm getting used to it. The baby seems to like it when I take a bath. It kicks a lot. I was actually taking a bath when I first felt the baby kicking. Indescribable feeling. Utter joy.